Waves go in and out

I stood at the same spot where I grew up looking at the ocean.

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Year after year, the same waves crashing. The same wood smell, visit after visit, year after year surrounding me on deck and walls.

Life usually slowed down when I am at the beach, the salt air alone coming through open car windows relaxes the tension.

This time, I paced, I fussed, I stayed tense.

I couldn’t stand and watch the waves that so often tunes out the world for me.
I flipped through my grandmother’s collection of beach- themed magazines in under an hour.

So I cleaned. And drank wine. And was left with nothing to do but cook dinner, pacing the tiny kitchen in little circles holding the next glass of wine that finally slowed my brain.

And the next day ran a little slower. And the next. Until I came home a little more fluid and happy.

Last week I got a chance to run away for a few days.

Which I did.

Dropped everything and ran.

I haven’t gotten organized enough to blog ahead, hack hardly even the night before but with the world spinning around me and coffee sloshing in my brain it was better so.

The salt water in my veins pulls me back- I definitely feel tied to the ocean. Just the smell of it starting to come through open car door windows relaxes me.

I grew up having family vacations the same stretch of sand every year, in a little town north of San Diego that is home to the house from Top Gun where Tom Cruise has breakfast with Kelly McGillis (and everything else).

Its made the beach a second home, and even though I fear the large expanse of water before me ( whoever knows where a shark may be) the Earth’s resilient and steady heartbeat of crashing waves slows mine own down usually.

I was upset and frustrated I couldn’t get in sync, yet knew why.
Something in me is still so out of whack.
I lost my momentum, I lost my organization and have been walking round in a little fog.

My word I chose this year, focus, is lost in the clutter of my life. The caffeine that fueled my day, the meditation podcast that was essential to my life.
Back in that cycle, my energy and happiness running like high and low tides.
I need to get rid of something still or learn how to make it all work.

Little baby steps have helped- that app that holds the lists, the note on the fridge so I remember what is for dinner tonight, numbers allover a calendar.

More preparation for the waves that come over the rocks, as well as the low tides that show the unbroken shells in the sand.

What slows down your life?

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Via my Instagram

14 thoughts on “Waves go in and out

  1. Katie - OCMomActivities

    For me, I can’t relax until I know that everything is done. So I always go like a crazy woman to get everything done pre-weekend or pre-vacation. I’ve just learned that I can relax super easily (doing almost anything) as long as I know everything is done and there is nothing else I need to be doing.

    But near running water (Ocean, rivers, waterfalls, etc.) is always my favorite to relax!
    Katie – OCMomActivities recently posted..Cloud Watching – Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

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  2. Anna

    I love the sea. Like you, it relaxes me and I definitely do feel tied to it too. I love swimming in it. I used to swim in it no matter how cold it was outside – like it could be snowing and I’d go in (OK, maybe not when it was snowing!). I miss going to the beach, and every so often I wake up and think ‘Today would be perfect to go to the sea.’ Unfortunately, I’m pretty landlocked where I live, so no spontaneous trips to the beach!
    -Anna
    P.S. – that beach pic is gorgeous

    Reply
  3. Presley's Pantry

    thanx for giving us this window of insight into your life and childhood…. I like the part about your grandfather’s beach themed magazines. For me, a good book and a cup of mint tea is what helps me unwind and slow the motion to still.
    Presley’s Pantry recently posted..ChilaquilesMy Profile

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  4. Jamie

    this is why each day I try to give myself a little time to reflect on life, and to stop and breath. Life can get pretty overwhelming pretty fast, but we all need to stop ourselves for a minute and just enjoy our surroundings!

    Reply
  5. sidney

    I agree with Jennifer – lyrical.

    If I get a weekend or holiday with my parents, sister, brother-in-law, and nieces I sleep and sleep, and not out of fatigue or depression.

    But out of comfort…
    sidney recently posted..Hi.My Profile

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    1. Majda

      Henry Jakobsen – Utrolig fine biler! =) Men, hva er det som befinner seg oppe5 det fleejlt pe5 det tredelte bildet nest f8verst? Og hva er de grf8nne stekene derfra? Laser?

      Reply
  6. Laura

    I take time out to reflect every day and look back at what I have done, I like to do this while I am driving in the car, I find its when my mind is more clear!
    Laura recently posted..insuranceMy Profile

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