I stood at the same spot where I grew up looking at the ocean.
Year after year, the same waves crashing. The same wood smell, visit after visit, year after year surrounding me on deck and walls.
Life usually slowed down when I am at the beach, the salt air alone coming through open car windows relaxes the tension.
This time, I paced, I fussed, I stayed tense.
I couldn’t stand and watch the waves that so often tunes out the world for me.
I flipped through my grandmother’s collection of beach- themed magazines in under an hour.
So I cleaned. And drank wine. And was left with nothing to do but cook dinner, pacing the tiny kitchen in little circles holding the next glass of wine that finally slowed my brain.
And the next day ran a little slower. And the next. Until I came home a little more fluid and happy.
Last week I got a chance to run away for a few days.
Which I did.
Dropped everything and ran.
I haven’t gotten organized enough to blog ahead, hack hardly even the night before but with the world spinning around me and coffee sloshing in my brain it was better so.
The salt water in my veins pulls me back- I definitely feel tied to the ocean. Just the smell of it starting to come through open car door windows relaxes me.
I grew up having family vacations the same stretch of sand every year, in a little town north of San Diego that is home to the house from Top Gun where Tom Cruise has breakfast with Kelly McGillis (and everything else).
Its made the beach a second home, and even though I fear the large expanse of water before me ( whoever knows where a shark may be) the Earth’s resilient and steady heartbeat of crashing waves slows mine own down usually.
I was upset and frustrated I couldn’t get in sync, yet knew why.
Something in me is still so out of whack.
I lost my momentum, I lost my organization and have been walking round in a little fog.
My word I chose this year, focus, is lost in the clutter of my life. The caffeine that fueled my day, the meditation podcast that was essential to my life.
Back in that cycle, my energy and happiness running like high and low tides.
I need to get rid of something still or learn how to make it all work.
Little baby steps have helped- that app that holds the lists, the note on the fridge so I remember what is for dinner tonight, numbers allover a calendar.
More preparation for the waves that come over the rocks, as well as the low tides that show the unbroken shells in the sand.
What slows down your life?
Via my Instagram