Surviving and, surprisingly, Thriving

My word of the year for 2016 was “Thrive”.

I though I had finally gotten it all together – a new degree, a new optimistic look, even a great positive horoscope.

By year’s end, I figured, we’d be well on our way of plans to be in a better financial situation and be, well, thriving.

Instead, I applied to so many jobs without an answer back, we buried my mother in September and my husband lost his mother on New Year’s Eve.

I cried with my toddler’s transition to preschooler, as he came home full of new words my mom would never hear and songs on his lips. I mourn the relationships he will never have.

So many hopeful plans, unrealized.

I felt I had a lot of things happened to me, and at times I had to build up walls to make it through.

I cried with my SIL a country away in November. As Padme Amidala put it ,”This is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause.”

I felt like I had lost at 2016. So much conflict and stress and feeling totally inadequate.

Last week, I took time as I drove back and forth from the hospital or stayed up waiting for my husband, I was taking a lot of time to think about the last year. And thinking how the roles were reversed from September, as my husband turned into the middleman I was then, sitting in the car in the parking lot to text the latest about my mom.

And texting my closest friends- the ones I could lay some burden down with as I helped my husband with his.

And through this, I realized two ways I had thrived. I decided to continue my weaning off of my antidepressant after several days of not taking it due to sickness.

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It sounds counter intuitive to drop it at a moment of great stress, but I felt I had more clarity with the situation without it. And in life.

I was having dreams – it had been so long, and even though right now they’re pretty weird ones, it’s reassuring that some of my creativity will come back as well.

The second way I have been thriving? Taking a stronger stance politically, which is my least comfortable way of taking a public, verbal, discussionary stance on, and curating my social media for MY benefit and interests.

Remember all of those times you followed bloggers to be supportive? When Instagram changed algorithms, I saw less of my National Geographic photographers and more random blogger kids doing stuff I just wants interested in. So I’ve been clearing out my social media assigning different kinds to different stuff I wanted to follow there. It’s been awesome.

So, in an effort to make my life easier and happier even with all of this, I have been finding pockets where i have been doing more for my life, and thriving.

I write for Mamavation now. That was another way to grow and thrive as I had a reason to research posts. I love to learn and having strong beat makes me feel fulfilled. I kept up with the “One Small Thing” this year and found several little ways to live better.

So even with everything that happened, upon reflection I am seeing the change and growth that happened, and am grateful for being steered in this direction.