I always do my best, deepest thoughts at the beach. The ocean waves drown out all of the superfluous thoughts, the salt air cleans out the mind, the sand grounds you. Until it washes away under your feet.
The last couple of months have been full of a lot of thinking.
Yes, these are related.
I went to two blog conferences. In the same week. With morning sickness.
And as I sat there, listening to great bloggers and business ladies talk both about how to build a business, balance life and work and how to have your blog be of yourself, I started to have an epiphany.
One that took a month or two to become complete.
I haven’t been the only one lately with this epiphany lately, I can already tell.
The first two months of pregnancy made me ill enough that sitting at the computer made me nauseous.
So I quit sitting there.
I realized I didn’t totally miss it.
My Twitter slowed down, my blog reading fell behind, and during this I had thoughts tumble in my head.
I thought about why I had a blog.
To share me.
I thought about how much I felt not being able to share about my pregnancy the first few weeks here- to write the little stories.
I realized, to be a storyteller, as Catherine Connors told me I was, I just needed to be me.
Not to worry about what other bloggers were doing.
My Facebook is full of other bloggers now, and I realize some of them, I can’t even figure out which blog they belong to.
I don’t miss trying to hit Twitter parties to try to find new followers.
Instead I want to get to know some of my favorites better.
This year I picked a word instead of a resolution, one that has come back and back, even though I’ve gone off track and back on.
I’m not the best with resolutions, but this word, I could decide what I wanted to do. What ever I was doing, that I would pay attention to it.
And as much as I thought I would focus on the blog, I found myself focusing more and more on family.
My primary job is keeping my family, and it’s something that I have worked at all year.
And after a year, I am choosing a new word for next year and reflecting back on this one.
Seeing where my focus went, where it waned, what I needed to have done instead.
And choosing a way to pick a better way to use my time, to focus even better, to make sure everyone is cared for and happy, including me.
And realizing that, the business of blogging isn’t for me.
I just want to get more of me here, beyond the ‘Mom Life’ that is tagged in so many of my posts.
To get my small moments, like the sand on the beach, cold under my feet and washing away with the waves, back on the page.