I have spent the last week considering, pondering, musing,waffling… everything over a new word for 2015.
I found that using a word to define my intentions for a new start is much better than adding a list of resolutions and rules to keep.
In 2012 I picked ‘Focus‘ and I have come back to that word again and again in my life.
Last year was ‘Grace’ and I don’t feel I spent the year gracefully at all. I picked the word to embrace femininity, organization and maturity in my life, and instead fought my way through half of 2014, realizing I had a whole other struggle that I was fighting to keep graceful in, feeling disheveled, disorganized and disheartened.
I couldn’t even write a decent wrap up about last year and ‘grace’ so I, like Elsa, let it go.
So, on to 2015.
I did scribbles, looked at inspirational Pinterest boards, though about my goals. A lot of the bloggers I follow picked words and expressed intentions with growing their blogs and being organized. You know, my old usual too.
Fully how much that has ruled my life the last couple of New Year’s days, and how I would start pondering a site re-design at the same time. My family, my home, my blog were the centerpieces, but true North has shifted in my life and I am being led in a new direction, away from the stay at home mom, the stay at home blog, the stay at home life.
I’m traveling in a new direction.
The last few months have brought serious changes to my life. Working more often than not, walking away from my kids more than I wanted and learning something completely new.
And through it all I winged it day by day, organizing as well as I could, waiting with each shift scheduled to begin the phone calls that would bring someone to watch the kids while I’m away. Letting someone else call the shots after I laid out the plans, coming home and cleaning the same things over and over again while things fell apart somewhere else.
Last year’s shift in my world’s axis brought chaos to my life for a few months – holding two different jobs, a class, and a toddler that was a mama’s boy and hated it when I left. And when I was home? Someone else was leaving for a side job. Teamwork sometimes is hard, but we are making it through OK right now.
The arrow on the icon is a major part of my plans. I am in school to learn Geographical Information Systems – basically, displaying information on a map. That arrow displays the layers on the map I am learning to make, and I am hoping to get a good job somewhere that will let me combine my love of writing and my new skill set. After acing the first class I took I am more confident I’ll do well in the courses. So hopefully, that ‘A’ was a sign I’m on the right path, one that will take me another year and a half to finish. And I’m focusing on a local business that is a giant part of that world – if you reach for the moon, you’ll fall among the stars, right?
And until then, I’m keeping my eyes on any job that will ease my path along the road, since the one I have now hinders most opportunities to plan ahead, a stressor I am tired of dealing with on a weekly basis.
I’m also going to steer other parts of our lives in a new direction – considering applying for a charter school near me for Wonder Boy, taking the reins on his education and steering it, so to speak. I wanted to give public school a chance, and while I love his teacher, I’m opening my eyes to other possibilities to research.
I am moving away from the stay-at-home position I loved, and want to in a couple years (if not sooner) become the primary breadwinner in my home.My new direction also means re-organizing my home even more to suit a caretaker’s needs, since I am constantly re-organizing after the dishes are put away by someone else and the kitchen has become a chaotic nightmare.
That one is a little odd- instead of everything going in my direction, I’m reading the map and following where someone else will go. I don’t feel like the master of my home anymore, instead… one of the chieftains of a small village. Oh, the battles I have fought to stay on top.
This new direction has been a tough one to start walking, since the boys are young and this is the time when they will actually want me around a lot. But in a few years I can make it so that Mr. Wonder can be with them more- a position I will relinquish happily so they can grow with his help when they need it most. And hopefully, in turn, I will open their eyes to another world of information, learning, and opportunities.