The Dichotomy of Me

I hadn’t realized I hadn’t written in over TWO months here at Sunshine Wonderland.

I guess I need to admit myself I’m being forced into a hiatus here at Sunshine Wonderland due to my new schedule interning with the technical department at a local city hall and balancing the rest f life with the other hand.

The internship was something I had been trying to get a hold of for months, after spending over a year applying to job after job, internship after internship. I’d had my hands out in two different directions, writing and this new GIS thing, and felt spread out, worn and desperate.

Nothing was working.

A few months later and the gears are starting to finally run smoother. I am working as an intern with the city of Palm Desert, building storymaps for different departments and learning a bit about civic work life.

I finally feel a bit balanced in life.

I still try to keep my hand in the freelance writing cookie jar, so to speak, but I just make over $150 a month writing a few articles for a SoCal publication to keep that part of me alive. I’ve thought of blog post ideas, and planned writing, but the inspiration leaves me when  I’m even close to a computer.

I miss it, but I had too much of my spread out to make anything work.  My husband has also been taking less side work for a few weeks so we can come back to center and go forward, so to speak. We got over-extended at a point and with both of the boys gone during the day several days a week, plus sports, and we were worn out and I spent most of my time trying to keep up.

So right now I’m a wife, a mom, and a 38-year-old intern.

I feel too old to be working this hard to start over.

I had both hands out, however, reaching for the cookies in two separate jars, and not taking one back to lift the lid so I could reach in and grab a cookie – a chance on doing the next half of my adult life a bit different.

I was so stretched out I had two wildly different resumes. Both fine but not exemplary, both making me feel like I was missing something.

I had to let one win so I could move forward. Reclaiming myself and reaffirming a new identity instead of letting me straddle the world with feet wide apart. The dichotomy of me, trying to move forward and find an agreement.